* leng leng* he@art^_^

Admires

2011-07-13T04:03:00.000-07:00

Recently, i have met a Doctor who i really admire upon his efforts in His career. His enthusiasm and passion in his area of working makes him shines among others and has caputured my attention. It is not a spark of love but he has become my role model in my work.

I believes everyone has their talent and strong ability in something or somewhere. It matters that wether we can find out early or lately. It is important that we know what that draws our attention and where does our passions lay. If we do things that we likes, it would be definitely shines among others. TOday, i am want to ask, you doing what you are passion in?

As for me, to always start a new thing is easy but to maintain a thing is quite miserably. In this, i see my weakness and shall always find someone or something to maintain my enthusiasm and reminds me my passion. It is none another way than you find someone who is better than you or excel in something that you would really likes to be. i will not lose my passion as i see the extra miles that you can run, and why not me? As i leap higher each time in a different level of my life, i see more heroes around the world that i never think i can be. You have make a difference and widened my perspective.

My testimony

2010-12-17T22:37:00.000-08:00

Time passed by like a click on facebook. Actually it really passes like this yet I often refuse to do something about it. Weighing between myself and God, I am far heavier than The Only God. Well, I am still learning to make a balance between for the law of equilibrium would always work. (to spend more time in His works)

As I flashed back to my memory, I couldn’t remember much what have I did for Him this but left a little bit memories for the path I have gone throw with him during my first year and second year of studies time. Well, it isn’t that worst for me, in my third year and final year, it was a journey to learn and journey to face challenges. Being with God not only during CF time when we serve him or in church Sunday service. Walking with God is such a toil and long journey which will lea

d you to be a stronger and better person.

No hardship, no gain. I choose to walk with him not because I am silly just to make myself in trouble and ended up in sorrows and tears; It is important for I know his blessing come from he fruits of toils, bad hair day, sorrows, and bitterness. In the bible, all the people of God learned and become better only after the pathway of bitterness and toils. Yet, by following his words of teaching, we know how to walk through all. Learning isn’t only by heart but through practice. Knowledge is wide and deep, those who scored isn’t the one who get the most but those who practiced earned the knowledge and wisdom.

Final year in nursing is quite a good practise year where I get to exposed in real tournament of the evil world. I saw the reality of medical issue and hospital management, the hidden secret and the true colours of some of my colleagues. How could we live in the word of God when you are facing so much dilemmas and negatives feedbacks from friends and others? I was in deep anger before, hidingmyself from sharing; for people who know you better intended to manipulate and take advantage from you. People who get jealous just can’t stop to bring you down with negative feedbacks and tons of workloads. For I live to learn and live to improve and share, I never give up. God is always the best listener and always the truthful friends, for He is the only one would die for us.

Guess how? Hmmm.. I am acting like basketball. For people who pressurize me and bring me down, I change better and pump harder than they could expect. For people who brings me negative feedbacks, I give response through talked it out. Never have I kept things that are bad from people in the heart for it would eat up my spiritual soul. All the bitterness, competition, and disaster or troubles I faced are blessing. Why? It is practical, man!!!! When I went through it, I get the skills. It sounds like a computer games, haha …But it is really true. Sometimes, it also explained to me why some people facing the same troubles and same bitterness again and again. It is just because we haven’t learn the skills that God blessed for us. No hiding nor running away, we always fight it and bring back the trophy to God.

Living is not only about oneself, because we are in the crowd among people. Bible always reminds me not only mine our own business but mine others too. Why? Again, law of karma for our selfishness, others misfortune would link to us. To choose seeing people die standing and bring the trouble to us later ,why not to choose helping and bringing up everyone, for people would remember us and be influenced for our good deeds. Examples: Friends in same courses, m same school, having competition among to be better student and bring each other down or hiding good studies material from others. Karma: Others school laugh at our school. No much improvement in the courses. People hiring you would ask about where you come from and not how good we actually score. A trophy of your own makes nothing but a trophy of a group can even change the world..Always works in groups. The one who practise more things, the one who learned more things. The one who listen or talk but do nothing, the one gain a day dreaming.

Finally, this is the last thing I have learned and would like to share. Brothers and sisters who fall in the path walking with God is a normal thing we see. We shall not give them tongue lashing for it is the normal procedure we need to go through. In the Bible, those apostles, student of Jesus, those that see God with eyes and touch him with flesh, dine with God and see His miracles done and being washed feet by Jesus; they fall by denied Him and run away when Jesus went through crucifix. Once they fall, they know God more, they all stand up to share His Gospel to the world around and serve Him till the end of their live. We, shall bring warms and loves with encouragement to our fallen brothers and sisters. It is never late 2Peter 3:9. For God never abandon us even we abandon him. Seeks His word and Works for He will reveals us the Wisdom of life.

Hope my testimony would help you through the life in campus, spiritual and the reality of the world. God bless.

“But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him. 1Corinthians 2:9 “

The Impossible Dream Lyrics

2010-10-31T02:25:00.000-07:00

To dream ... the impossible dream ...
To fight ... the unbeatable foe ...
To bear ... with unbearable sorrow ...
To run ... where the brave dare not go ...
To right ... the unrightable wrong ...
To love ... pure and chaste from afar ...
To try ... when your arms are too weary ...
To reach ... the unreachable star ...

This is my quest, to follow that star ...
No matter how hopeless, no matter how far ...
To fight for the right, without question or pause ...
To be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause ...

And I know if I'll only be true, to this glorious quest,
That my heart will lie will lie peaceful and calm,
when I'm laid to my rest ...
And the world will be better for this:
That one man, scorned and covered with scars,
Still strove, with his last ounce of courage,
To reach ... the unreachable star ...

Lyrics by Joe Darion

Like the lyric so much. It speaks deep to my heart.

2010-10-17T06:29:00.000-07:00

Sunday is my favorite day. Do you know, having a restful day at home is a luxury especially for those who have been floating outside for a long time. I miss my home.

Glancing through the albums in my precious drawer, bring back all those memories that making part of the puzzles in my life. Oh, thank God that i have my puzzles of history. *_*

On my way back to IPOH last night, i came to thought about my future and really feel that i am human again. Busy days have took away all my time to think and really feel that i am living. I can never let this to continue in the rest of my life. Hey, what i am doing? Why am i so busy until can't event have the time to feel that i'm living. Workaholic will not be my cup of tea man!!! I want to enjoy living, enjoy what is real life that suppose to be.

God, please keep me awake. All these while i have been seeing people living lives without soul. Hectic life without purpose. Wealthy without happiness. Freedom without self control. Competing for things that does not last. Lying self and people that it is what so called life. It is all, grabbing for wind. I do not believe how the world shows me things it is. However, i believe that the wisdom from God can see through all those barrier and what is wind.

I am living for only one purpose that is to serve you my lord, my awesome God. Show me thy way to live life to the fullest. Take away my selfishness and my desire of greed.

Who shall i dare to compare as i am nobody?
How dare i complaint as i come with empty hand and now are loaded?
How dare i judge others as God you are the justice who rule the world?
How dare i not saying grace as i keep on receiving all those blessing from YOU?
YOu are my light and the lamp. Thanks God for You had chosen me .

No other Love

2009-12-14T07:15:00.000-08:00

Infatuation is a word to describe when i first fall in love. Why can't i feel the same infatuation with God? Or am i having dementia, forget why i have with God before.... the journey is blur when i look back. I can't see out of the mist. God, forgive me if i have been so far away from you. I would want to invite God , today...come join me my walk....my door is open for you.

I want to miss you like i miss the sunshine everyday. I want to think about you like the food i am thinking every second. i want to drink your blood of sacrifice, eat the flesh of you offering. i want to get close with you as if i am wearing my bra. i want to be loved, be touched, be hugged every second of my life. i want to be blessed.

Tightening my belt

2009-09-28T05:50:00.000-07:00

Days are not the same as before... it's going to meet the study weeks again. Well, i am craving for it because i really appreciate for even a day of reading relaxing in the room. ^_^

I don't care how much harder to go, i want to be a good nurse! I want to go travel around! i want to feel........ i want to see! :) yeah babe, indeed i am so greedy...but without fulfilling this, i will not be satisfied.

Well, holiday i was at home spending every single moment with my family and computer. However , i spent a lot also. This semester i've been investing in buying, printer, digital camera, Devotion's bible, shoes rack, books rack, shoes.....and many... at the end.. I open my mouth and beg my mum for help...

Can you imagine how sad it is? I wonder.. if one day i never ask my mum for money, instead i give her money and bring her to where she wants... how great would it be....... mama, i wanna be a big girl...i bigger one not the one who still need burn your pocket. i think, i would need financial management...

3 year first semester..(a honey moon and thrill chapter)

2009-07-24T22:15:00.000-07:00

Guess what, this year i will be going into a psychiatric ward. >_<> i cannot bear with manic people's touching or hugging. i am so scare!!!!!! why is it my depth of distance perception so sensitive? who can help me??? mummy....i wanna be a nurse but definitely not a psychiatric ward nurse.Days are definitely brand new everyday.
The sky changes,
the weather changes,
i don't change ,
how to walk?
Some days i will be there thinking of why all the time. Questions seem a lot for me but the answer doesn't really touch my heart nor change me. Being stubborn is a mechanism to protect myself. Maybe i shouldn't have to act like this but i'm feeling insecure and coward inside. A i know more about myself, i rather to avoid what is real and return to my comfort zone. I wonder why, recently my comfort zone seems changed following the sky. I am the one left behind and hanging around heading to no way. God, please be close with me, hold my hand tight so that i can feel your presence.

Never the same..

2009-06-21T06:19:00.000-07:00

Change seems so shocking to me as the indifference of it is unpredictable. The world keeps changing and human too. Can you imagine as that everything is so good and you are so contented suddenly change up side down like you do not belong to? I will definitely never like this insecure feeling.
Recently, i have learned something in the current game that i played, entitled " spores". My character is a carnivore. I use to survive from a bacteria until conquer the planet. It is a game which showing the reality of the world. I use to be a crafty as serpent and never innocent as Doves. Some monster might looks adorable with their appearance but, their turn up eating me when i was trying to make friends with them. Shockingly, it ended up changing me to become severe killer. I've no friends at all. A lonely one but the one who own the earth.
After the game over, i realized something which was my reaction towards it show my real personality. Even though it is just a game, I react to the situation naturally without a second thought. If things happen the same in real world, i would have been doing the same thing. Can you see that i was in the process of being influenced and going to be molded into something? If in this world everyone act the same, how would it be ? "i remember one thing, it was when i saw the farmer i was trying to kill keep begging me innocently had ended up his life by my cruelty slaughter; i feel so weird ...how could i do that.
When we do not change, people beside us will dash in and trying to change us. Does this annoy you? For me, definitely a yes. They are trying to change us because they know us, they know too much of us. For this, it just make me feel like short changed in friendship. Talking out openly will never be my view about the gist of friendship. Sometimes it would be better talking to the death or your pet rather than a flesh human when things come to your privacy.
Even though i no longer like to talk about myself, i come across this and am trying to learn how to see fools as a chance of learning. To see people characteristic and learning to forgive and embrace people faults. Father has so much for me to learn...... the world is such convoluted and complicated yet i have the biggest Father and the Almighty taking care of me. This is a blessing!

How Long Do Human Live to?

2009-06-19T10:06:00.000-07:00

Today i just saw this news from yahoo which is about the British World War OneHenry Allingham is the world's oldest man at 113 following the death of the previous holder of the title, Japan's Tomoji Tanabe, Guinness World Records said on Friday. This has enlightened and reminded me about what the BIBle said.

Genesis 6:3
Then the lord said," My Spirit will not put up with humans for such a long time, for they are only mortal flesh. In future, they will live no more than 120 years."

Although this sounds sad or like a curse, yet i see it in a different way. It proves that God knows human more than we know ourselves. He lets us know how long do we live our lives even to the fullest, we are still having such a meager life. It is short. I am starting to count my blessing and how much do i really did to make it worthy. No matter what, thank God for i am healthy and still living.
I believe not a single wise man would be able to control his life nor age. We are just too fragile and weak. Man who lives without God lives his life like a blind man, walking in path among the crowd, heading no way and misleading by all those voices around. He knows something about God, but he is not ready for his kingdom and salvation. Well, so many voices around, how can he make his decision as he is blind. Even people who knows or believe in God would have eyes yet but cannot see and with ears but cannot listen...pathetic.

God, spare my life and let me be the humble servant of you. Give me the super "eyemore" so that i have eyes could see. Give me the super hearing device so that i have ears could listen. Give me wisdom so that words form my mouth bring benefits to others. Give me a humble heart, so that i lean not on my own understanding but you. In christ i pray, Amen.

A tired day

2009-05-04T22:30:00.000-07:00

It has been to tired for a day like this. Not because I've been sleeping for long. Not because i been eating to much. I'm kinda down with making decision. :( You know what? i feel like running .
" No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.
Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace
for those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11"

Oh, i just cannot imagine how! i can't picture it. i don't repent because i don't understand. I find myself very stubborn.. yes i am.
Oh Lord, how could you bear such a person like me? My love to you is limited, yet you still love me like your child and always patience to teach and make me discipline. I am not ready for your always yet your are always ready for me. How much could to praise you? The way you see me is not like how the world see me. When i am fall, you are always my shelter. For you know i am so fragile now, do not let me lead by temptation. i love you God, do not let me done something that make you disappointed nor anger.

Relationship

2009-05-04T02:07:00.000-07:00

well, holiday i have been coming to search this kind of things enjoy! Everyone is dating all these days, well what is the right relationship should we have.
What is the complications of different kinds of relationship? I am seeking.... it awe me for that let me knows that my mind is so shallow.

Pathetic

2009-04-22T17:29:00.000-07:00

Sometimes i wonder why we seldom praise people and cheer up people when we suppose to do so? People now is like too hypocrite to praise and too intention to cheer. oooo...... When they really mean it, it's the time they wanna bring you down with their word and not praising. Well well well, who are them who dare to judge you? wHO are the one who give them permits to judge us? They are such busy-body indeed. I hope i'm not one of them. My mum always scold me for not saying a good word to praise people. Well, i hope i'll able to empower this tool.
Maybe it is a culture and upbringing problem. If i have not study psychology before, I will really get anger and get their mouth tear off. "Forgive them, for they don't know what they are doing."
God is good, He is so the most clever one in existence.
You know what? i have currently come to out that people around are trying to mold me into something i am not. For what they do and What they say, you reaction and respond is what they wanna see and how they mold you into trap. Well, hell no to them! FOr God has grant me good perceptive and perspective, i will rather be patience and calm down to think for my reaction and response. Never allow contamination. RUn away from me you little wicked devil!!!!

Narcissism

2009-04-17T03:31:00.000-07:00

Oh.. it all just make me breathless to listen someone who is so negative in thinking. I have come to realize and even able to picture a this person life if negative thought never fade off. Oh, how patience is God that He can bear this kind of people in the world. Man ! human is indeed damn lot like this.
I love myself a lot. Never will let myself suffer. However if i would have to describe myself. I would like to say, I am a diamond yet not yet being discover by human. Someone said, no pressure no diamond, well i am now under pressure. :)

People bring in sarcastic words , i bear.
People who is so caring even mind my business, i ignore.
People who is making me a fool, i am patience.
People who bring me down when i need encouragement, i keep silence.
What they have gone through i observed.
For all that i see them like i see myself in the mirror.
How foolish am i before.
Oh, God is just too patience enough to bear with me during all these 22 years.
THank God! God is good all the time.

COunt my blessing..

2009-04-16T07:49:00.000-07:00

I am having my exam these few weeks. Despite lamenting about my stress, i think it's real time for me to count my blessing today.
It was a scorching heat afternoon, i was overwhelmed with my morning exam, waiting to sleep , laying on my bed. My mind was full of thoughts and happiness. GUess what? :)
FInally, i got 3 As for my 3 nursing ospe. It was totally not my own effort. I had prayed for long before i went through it all. Even though i've to spending some of my times in serving for his ministry.... he will always be with me helping me up. God is really great! I just can't get enough to praise him more... He use me in his way, and all i need to do is that to have faith in him. Oh my... you know how amazing is it? i shall not lean on my own wisdom for my wisdom is too shallow for God! :) Thanks God!
Last year, i had tried my best in anyway... but in vain , even though i practised more than this time which i had. i try to use my logical thinking and wisdom. However, i finally found.... He is the one who i suppose to lean on!